what happened to this world?

juz recived a msg which is really shocking n frightening....
a gurl was kidnapped by 5 guys at parade....
what is happening to this world?
it is getting wilder and wilder for each second it has passed...
now, not only gurls will be the target guys, kids, anyone can be the next victim any sec...
it is horrible as we have to live in fear for our future,
fear that our loved ones were victimised,
fear of us being the next,
fear of losing our life and the one we appreciate the most.

how r we going 2 survive in this dark future?
i hv no idea....
but i really hope all the ppl i noe is always safe and away from danger...
and malaysia can be a safer place... for all of us...
as i like this country

what is love....? a game ? a trade ? a something ? a....?

hey... going to crap at this... so dun read if u dun hv the mood......

juz heard from a fren that his ex which he recently broke up wif was in an accident...
and she was in coma and my fren was thinking that it was his fault,
but luckily that she regain concious,
he blame himself that she got herself in accident,
saying that if he didn't tell her about the fact he didn't like her anymore,
she would be safe,
but what is the point of regreting now?
and whats the point of blamming himself? it won't change anything....

now he is doubting wethere to visit her or not as her fren warned him not to go,
and said that he oni will give her more stress and pain oni....
n said would slap him if he went...
if i were in shoes....
i would also be as doubtful and lost as him not knowing what 2 do next...

but i tried to reconsider that what he has done is rite or wrong....?
he tried not to cheat her and tell her the truth...
not to her hurt even worst...
what happiness she can get from a person who no more loved her?
is there value 4 this relationship 2 go on?
or should they continue on juz 4 the sake of i dunno wat?
i hv so many questions...
maybe this showed that i am not mature enough....

love is a big question mark in my head...
where i am curious how will it be?
who will it be? where? when?
how will it taste? sweet? bitter? sour? spicy?..... ?..?
will i be able to find the rite person? at the rite time?
or will i juz mess up everything as i always do...?
will i hv it onit once or a few times to find the one who suits n unferstands?
will i be a faithfull one or not? how would i turn out 2 be?
or is she really the one?
so many question wif no answers...
and this maybe the things that may pull me back from thinking bout "love"
thinking that the time has not come and not to do get into one...

study comes 1st is planted in my mind
as mom always says what u find now will be temporary and not last long....
is this statment true? i agreed and doubted...but still i obeyed n not to think bout it...
but am i doing the rite thing?
i didn't really cared bout it untill i am like at form 4... (sounds unbelievable...?)
but i dun think i am alone as i noe more frens...
i see there are ppl r in the same situation as me...
and i understands their pain and feeling....
i never tried to express and affraid to do it...
(sounds sacarstic? and hardly imagine that i am like that?)
untill now i had dared not to face her, i think?
kind of irony for a "fearless&cheerful" guy like me to behave like this....

i want to change! i dun want to drag on anymore!
i will oni keep wasting time and no one will benefit from it...
i i i i i i i want to tell u that i like u,
so i really hope u 2 see this......
Sze Nee I really liked you
and hope to be the one guarding u from troubles and pain....
and soon u will hear it from myself,
hopefully tonite if u appear at there....

what a relief....

juz finish the assignment test and the paper was easier than imagined,
reacalling back why i rush myself like nuts 4 nothing yesterday nite,
but it really helped a lot going through it as i now understand better,
(but not totally lar.... =< )
and now better start off wif the next assigment b4 next week test again(haihz....)
or else hv 2 burn midnight oil again(very tiring .....)

also on saturday after wushu helped out at the party...
i was dead tired and the next day i woke up,
whole body aching terriblly and the muscles was dame sore.....
and still have to study(really tired....)
but while studying i recived a msg by william saying that i conned him?

thinking of it,
i sort of conned my frens as i was spreading the news of 2 moons....
but it turned out nothing...
it was dissapointing as i was looking very forward 4 it.....haihz.....
and me myself also got conned too...
hope it really hope that it will happen soon one day in our lifetime....

2 days to go....

2 more days to applics exam and i am still spending my time ere...
plus i just started the assigment.... how should i cope? (no idea -_-)
time managment very bad....

by the way, yesterday street party was soaked wet as it was interrupted by heavy rain...
but the every1 was high that nite....
me too as i played under the rain
i missed that feeling
as i didn't play under it 4 long long time edi and it was juz nice to be under the rain....
juz felt lucky that didn't fall sick today....
plus went there and saw wui li and we joined "bottoms up" competition...
not that "bottom" but a beer drinking competition....
oops root beer not beer....hehehe :p
and i won the competition wif another gurl...
it was a tie... and i was impressed....as i had a hard time to finish the 2 can....
as i gulp the 1st can down it was easy but when i 1 2 go 4 2nd... problem starts...
the gas was like rushing from the stomach to the throat....
and it felt like vomiting bubbles like the shows where the ppl who got poisoned...
(maybe this is the feeling u get if u were poisoned.... who noes?)
but after the competition that gurl seems 2 have a hard time
as she 1 2 let out the gases but she can't...
my stomach didn't feel comfortable neither
as the gas rumbling in the stomach is really not a good feeling....

another thing i tried in the party was some electrical shocking thing
where we should press the button when the light is green 4 not 2 get shocked
but i thought it was to let go when the green light is on and hold the button since starting
and i got shocked twice in a row not knowing whats happpening
untill my hand was quite numb at the end
T.T.... am i really that slow?

but i was impressed by the dance by the 4 gurls as it was juz the bomb...
it was really fantastic and the moves was juz hot hot hot....
i think if took part in the dance competition in Monash few days ago...
confirm 1st place.... really damn yeng 1...

better get going as i hv 2 be the DJ for an event near my home
it is a party organized by mom 4 ger frens...
so hv 2 go back help out by now to help decorate and much more...
today will be a busy day but now i wonder how can i manage my time wisely
as i am running out of time 4 preparing the assigment test...
better settle everything quick and rush 2 study....

Results....

Talking about these myself will also feel depressed....
the recent result that i recived showed that i improved slightly but it was not good enough...
but the result a fren of mine had made her when the lecturer asked her bout y she didn't improved *ouch* ,
what will i do if i were in her shoe...?
can i withstand this situation? i dunno....
will i cry ? maybe...maybe not as i want to keep my dignity

but i knew that i am very affraid of this kind of situation where ppl cries,
i will have no idea 4 what 2 do where my jokes r hardly can b used in these situation...
it may even backfire....
Tears are sth i am affraid but when my bro cry i won't.... y? i hv no idea...
maybe the ppl i seen crying outside of my home r oni gurls....
but i hv 2 admit 1 thing
i do cry and i think it will be so much more comfortable after crying...
u will feel tired and sleep...
and 4get about all the unhappiness...
i think,
crying is good in a sense,
where we let out the feeling and not to let it accumulate and make u crazy...
so cry out loud when u feel really 1 2 cry....
dun try to pretend as it is really hard and tiring.....
get a fren where u trust and try rto share ur unhappy experince,
and be willing to share ur frens sorrows as sharing is caring....
no matter joy or pain we should share it...
dun try 2 be a hero or u may end up as a zero in the end....

i hope that all my fren will b happy and may share the unhappy experince if they 1 2....
i hope that my result may improve more and myself not to be so lazy in studying
as i am really really lazy and didn't put much effort in it...
so please pinch me or scold me or anything to me if u see me not serious in studies to remind me
as my self dicipline is low low low...lol
hope that i may brush up lar...
its late... better leave now or i may not able to enjoy the street party...
so i wish once more that I hope that everyone will be cheerful and happy everyday! =>

What a days.... Great sense of achivement

phiew.... so hard to log in myself into my own account as i forgot both my user name and password....
sounds stupid rite?
but this is me....
the simple minded fellow....

so long that i had not make any entry...
so i have to make a few in 1 shot so dun be bored....

last week where we had a cultural week in SYUC,
and i got invoved the project accidently,
on the day we were selling herbal eggs (cooked by my mum),
"tang yuan" Glu...sth rice ball in eng, i can't recall,
mooncakes and dumplings...
the booth was ok but the duty schedule was horrible,
as we don't have one,
where hv 2 wait like sitting ducks hoping 4 ppl to take the shift
as the time 4 class is getting nearer and nearer.
plenty booth were set up on the few days and most of it are just 4 display purpose,
where ours were 4 business purpose where we sell foods...
others followed in selling the food after the 1st day...LOL...
the reaction of herbal eggs were the best as we finished all the eggs at the end of each day!
where we started wif 50 eggs then 100 and the last day 200!
and all of them sold out...(so proud of my moms cooking.... =D)
but when preparing it is quite tiring as i had to clean so many eggs b4 cooking it...
and the more frustraiting part is when i accidently cracked the eggs when i washed it,
its like i break an egg 4 every 30eggs...(haihz....men is always men...careless....lol)

the tang yuan was even funnier as erik and I have screw up the whole pot of soup, as the tang yuan we boiled all broken and all the red bean paste and peanuts leaked out,
and the soup colour was like..... dunno what to say.... !!-_-
and the funny thing about the culture week, i was shocked that
we manage to sell eggs and tang yuan where the price i think is quite expensive,
(maybe sunway students r richer? who knows?)

at the end of everything the teacher advior was trying to take away a full moon gift pack,
where we ordered wrongly and she thought that we only had one box wif 1 full bird of chicken,
and the rest was 1/2 bird, she insist that she will take the only one full bird which we displayed, where it is not that "fresh" anymore and we can take the "fresher" 1/2 bird packs.....
unrealising that there are 5 of them actually....
as i laughed out like nuts where i looked at the teacher advisor's look of "tan xiao pian yi" ,
she showed more of this when we said that erik is giving away the dumplings 2 everyone as he dosen't 1 it anymore...

at the end of everything... it was tiring but fun as
i learned a lot of things....
knew more frens....
it was a nice experince and hope to get into more of these activities....

life is juz like a bubble

a fren of my mom had juz passed away yesterday and had made me feel scared not beacause of thonk that aunty will haunt me,
but the thought of i leaving everyone or someone had left me.
this made me recall the sth that i had thought,
when will i die? how will die? will i die in regrets?
i dunno.... i had many doubts in my life...
and also ask myself wether i will let myself to have regrets in my life...?
i never had the courage to ask her and tell her...
am i a coward or sth...
or am i juz giving myself an excuse ad i dun 1 2 be in relationship as i am scared of responsibillities...or even i do not like her at the 1st place..
i dunno her as i had little contact wif her...
i dun understand her...
i juz noe that there is a felling that 1 2 link us together but i am affraid that the feeling is wrong...
what if the feeling is rite.... i am so confused....
i felt disgusted when i think about this where i always ask ppl not 2 be affraid but myself is the 1 doing the reverse .... sounds stupid rite?
affraid to make the wrong decision but
its useless to say but not taking any decision...
i muz do sth i dun 1 2 regret anymore
no matter how things may turn out i shall not let this chance to flew away from me...
i should grab it and never let go so widh me luck...

life is so simple but ppl tend to make it so complicated
ppl like me, a simple feeling should be told straight 4wardly but i dun dare...
anyone may die in the next second including me,
therefore i should live to the fullest and give it a shot

short trip to hometown

today had a great day wif fren as we went out to klang to have bak kut teh,
we had much great time eating,
we was impressed by kk's eating volume,
we had a lot of laughther in the table through out the whole meal.
I was damn full and the bak kut teh they made was nice.....
we tried to pay ys for the meal but he and his parents insisted not to charge us,
we had argue 4 a long time to pay him but at the end ys won the battle.
we do not need to pay so it should be good thing though but there are funny feeling.
as we are eating without paying...

we continue to wonder at klang parade for quite some time and with the intention to go bowling at 1st but we end up at the arcade ....
had enjoyed the arcades there....especialy photo hunt
all 8 of us had work together in searching the diffrences but still cannot break the high score,
T.T
from the whole 1/2 day trip 2 klang today,
i found that all of us have to take a long time to make any decision,
as we dragged where to go after eating and after playing,
all the decision are all made after long long long consideration....
also i found out i actually i noe many things about klang...
i always thought that i don't know much about it but i do know...

in short the trip toaday was FUN 2 THE MAX....
please inform me again as i don't want to miss the fun...
hahahaha........

a down felling had strike me recntly as i had resonance and felt the same way with this poem
It is juz a prank played by the fate upon me.......

独自，一个人。
傻乎乎，蠢呆呆地，
盯着桌上的手机,
静候着，
从手机上传来那熟悉的振动。
但，
那期盼的颤动，
却偏偏迟迟不来，
心，
却因此而颤动了起来。
或许，
发出的简讯，
又对她造成了不厌其烦，
其实，
只是单纯地想关心她，
久久，
仍是傻傻地盯着那手机不放，
继续发着自己无聊的胡思乱想，
直到手机屏幕上终于慢慢亮起了荧光，
那原本颤动的心，
顿时平静了下来。
那夜竟睡比得以往都香。
乍然发现，
原来，
有一种单纯的幸福，
叫牵挂。
在还未认识您的人之前，
却，
早已认识了您的纯真，
从不晓得什么是天使，
但，
我晓得，
您的纯真，
早已与我内心憧憬的天使形像，
深深地重叠了。
时间的造弄，
亦或命运的安排？
为何，
对您的感觉，
偏偏在不适的时空下失控呢？
正确的人，
总是在不正确的时候出现呢？
早已瘫痪的心悸，
因您的无心闯入，
又再次的集起了涟漪。。。
雖然您從不曾知道，
我曾真的很努力尝试，
说服自己放弃，
这丝不应出现的感觉，
但，
我已卸不下感情的枷鎖，
只因，
感觉并非数学公式，
可以借用理性去解释判断。
當我看著您閃亮著的眼神，
是为了他而存在时，
我。。。
懦弱地，
只能虚伪地借用脸上的苦笑乾笑，
来掩饰，
心裡翻绞滴答著的血，
其实，又何必让您知道微笑背后的伤口呢？
我知道，
是我太倔，
所以，
偷偷痛的，
静静伤的，
只有自己。
您，
并无义务替我抚平伤口啊！
您总叮嘱我要多关心自己，
您可否知晓，
只要每天可以知道您一切无恙，
已是我给自己的最佳关心了。
最近您的輪廓，離不開我的腦海。應該是我放不開，
浮泛在妳臉上的天真與可愛。我想，
见过您无邪的美，
我就已深深的希望着，
可以成为在某处，
守护着您的天使不管羽翼折断多少次也要全力守护在彗星擦过北极圈划出绿极光中，
暗中许愿给予彩虹般的祝福玻璃瓶裝著我的心意，特地不蓋緊，幸福才會在心里偷偷地洋溢。
临时的避風港，這責任我會好好擔當。小心地拿捏着一个朋友应有的分寸，
但希望您不要察觉，
给予您的关心，
早已超载于一个朋友应有的容量。
从不敢划破友谊的界线，
只能战战兢兢地珍惜眼前的一切，
只因，
我知晓，
那是我理智的最后一道决堤，
一旦出现裂痕，
我，
将会失去我俩谨存一切。
其实，
并不在乎，
牵您的手的人，
将永远不会是我，
我只在意，
您那小手的一端，
是否有牵着幸福。
虽然，
无法表达对您的感觉，
但我会握紧住对您的那一份牵挂，
镇守住那一份叫作幸福的牵挂。
将剪不断理还乱的思念乱绳解开了，
其实也就剩下那一份牵挂了。
这一份牵挂，
也许，只是为了一份相知；
也许，只是生命里曾有了一刻的感动；
也许，根本毋需为任何原因，
只是因为牵挂了，所以牵挂。
因为牵挂，
所以尽可把悲伤留给自己，
却把祝福赐予，
您快乐着与他的快乐，
幸福着与他的幸福。
但是，
请允许我在心里某处，
保留着那一份对您的牵挂吧！
让这一份平淡的幸福在我心里，
永不远去。
总感觉，
您是只流落人间的糊涂天使，
迷茫的在人群中飘逸着，
请让我用这份牵挂，
为您在心里点起一盏心灯。
也许这丝灯光很渺小，
微不足道到您会忽略它的存在，
更不能和您身边的那道阳光相比较。
它也许不能在沮丧时给予您欢笑、
不能在寒冷时给您予阳光般的温暖、
不能在您迷失时给你予方向……
但，
它会默默地在某处尽全力为您燃烧,
默默地陪伴您渡过沮丧，
默默地陪伴您战胜寒冷，
默默地陪伴您走出迷惘……
在您快乐的时候、幸福的时候，
它更会默默地在一旁为您而祝福加油。
这是我用牵挂为您点起的心灯。
虽然它只能发出暗淡的微光，
但它将在您记忆中熄灭前，
永远永远在某处为您默默地点亮……
只愿您，一切，安详快乐。
我想，
得有牵挂您的机会，
已是上天的怂恿了！
哪怕有天，
只剩下记忆可参考
直到有一天渐渐变老
往事伴着白发在风中飘摇
至少我清楚地知晓
曾有那么一刻，
我若牵挂起您，
那迷糊却单纯的可爱模样
嘴边就会莫名挂起，
一丝甜蜜微笑。。。

where should i go? what should i do?

blogging is new to me so guide me what should i do if i did sth wrongly ...

a student without a goal to work to is like a living zombie... what should i do with my studies..?
i really don't noe...
should i do engineering, which field of engineering i don't know...
how about acting? can i?
what about this , what about that....
i really don't know what 2 choose.....
can someone, anyone guide me...
what is in my heart? what is my passion? i don't know...
what is the thing i should let go, what is the thing i should hold on....
i always doubted....
what can i do 4 now? to score the best in my current course....
sound stupid but it is the only thing that i dared to set a goal on,
the feeling of affraid to choose the wrong path of life,
scared of regreting had made me a coward that dosen't dare to make any choices...
i knew i should wake up
no point saying that i don't dare... it is juz an excuse 4 me
but am i the only 1 trying to escape from reallity
am i the only one who dare not to face the challange?
i really don't know...

i felt like a useless piece of trash that will never be able to achieve anything in my life...