what is love....? a game ? a trade ? a something ? a....?

hey... going to crap at this... so dun read if u dun hv the mood......

juz heard from a fren that his ex which he recently broke up wif was in an accident...
and she was in coma and my fren was thinking that it was his fault,
but luckily that she regain concious,
he blame himself that she got herself in accident,
saying that if he didn't tell her about the fact he didn't like her anymore,
she would be safe,
but what is the point of regreting now?
and whats the point of blamming himself? it won't change anything....

now he is doubting wethere to visit her or not as her fren warned him not to go,
and said that he oni will give her more stress and pain oni....
n said would slap him if he went...
if i were in shoes....
i would also be as doubtful and lost as him not knowing what 2 do next...

but i tried to reconsider that what he has done is rite or wrong....?
he tried not to cheat her and tell her the truth...
not to her hurt even worst...
what happiness she can get from a person who no more loved her?
is there value 4 this relationship 2 go on?
or should they continue on juz 4 the sake of i dunno wat?
i hv so many questions...
maybe this showed that i am not mature enough....

love is a big question mark in my head...
where i am curious how will it be?
who will it be? where? when?
how will it taste? sweet? bitter? sour? spicy?..... ?..?
will i be able to find the rite person? at the rite time?
or will i juz mess up everything as i always do...?
will i hv it onit once or a few times to find the one who suits n unferstands?
will i be a faithfull one or not? how would i turn out 2 be?
or is she really the one?
so many question wif no answers...
and this maybe the things that may pull me back from thinking bout "love"
thinking that the time has not come and not to do get into one...

study comes 1st is planted in my mind
as mom always says what u find now will be temporary and not last long....
is this statment true? i agreed and doubted...but still i obeyed n not to think bout it...
but am i doing the rite thing?
i didn't really cared bout it untill i am like at form 4... (sounds unbelievable...?)
but i dun think i am alone as i noe more frens...
i see there are ppl r in the same situation as me...
and i understands their pain and feeling....
i never tried to express and affraid to do it...
(sounds sacarstic? and hardly imagine that i am like that?)
untill now i had dared not to face her, i think?
kind of irony for a "fearless&cheerful" guy like me to behave like this....

i want to change! i dun want to drag on anymore!
i will oni keep wasting time and no one will benefit from it...
i i i i i i i want to tell u that i like u,
so i really hope u 2 see this......
Sze Nee I really liked you
and hope to be the one guarding u from troubles and pain....
and soon u will hear it from myself,
hopefully tonite if u appear at there....