mixed and twisted feeling....hard to describe verbally...

so long didn't blog edi as the exam was forcing me not to blog but study study study
finally i felt relieved that i finished the exam,
but worried in the other hand as i felt that i don't really done much for TEE but fooled around,
also feeling very down as this is the 1st time i had quarrel *sort of very serious*
as i never tried the situation where she try not to talk to me and neglect me ...
and this is continuing for 1 week edi and nothing seems to get better only worst...
all this starts just because of the lost of a small camera memory card where her pic that she took from china which were inside of it were lost...
how much stupider and dumb i can be...?
my mom said i am the worst kind of people the least responssible, useless, not to be trusted man is me but the ppl outside said that i am total reverse where i am helpful and trusted? am i?
since then she dun really spoken to me and sort of blamming everything i do, where everything i do is wrong and none of it seems to be right making me feeling very depressed and not feeling to do anything as i had the idea that i will screw everything again if i go and did sth..
i really dunno how to handle this...
who is true? is my frens trying to comfort me with what they compimented about me or they meant it?
i felt really lost and really lonely and confused...
now where TEE finished and decision of further studies hv 2 be make quick was another burden 4 me but i was so effected i doubt in myself weteher i should go on and study of juz give up?
all this is making doubting a bout myself wether i am capable? or am i juz a useless piece of shit?
now i sort of feeeling worst that i finished TEE...sort of stupid rite..?
the holiday i am hving now is not so comfy and i really hope that it end soon and i am able to see all the frens and 4et about all this or else i will be nuts sooner or later(am i too 'kua zhang")
felt better after spitting all this out at ere...dun worry bout me as i juz 1 2 get sth to take out all this unpleasent feeling....

really hope all this end soon and back to a normal, simple life.......(feeling really childish now....hahaha!!!)